A year ago today

Mama and Daddy on their wedding day. Beautiful people. We lost Daddy this time last year. We miss him. A lot.Me and Daddy on my wedding day. Haha, he was in his big glasses phase. He went out and bought new cowboy boots that morning. He said there was no way he was wearing those fruity tux shoes.

Having just been through it with Katie, I can tell you for certain that Daddy's go through a lot on their daughter's wedding day. They have to smile and wave as some guy takes their little girl away. And pay for the whole thing, too.

Anyway, just missing big George today. And every day. A big man with a big heart. A bright light. A huge presence. My daddy.

Where's July?

That reminds me, there is a guy named July in Lonesome Dove. What a seriously great movie.

I got a full time job. I love it. And hate it.

I love it because it is 5 minutes from home in the most beautiful building on Washington Avenue overlooking the rolling hills of the national cemetery. And because I'm working for a generous man of high integrity. I can walk to the square for lunch. Call me.

I hate it because I'm having a hard time trying to figure out how to do my regular life at the same time. Well, I didn't like my regular life all that much anyway. After Dad died in September, Katie got engaged in October, 3 big birthdays, our anniversary and 2 major holidays in November and December, wedding stuff non-stop until April 25th, Weston is diagnosed with leukemia...the aftermath was not so good. May and June were restless times of not knowing what to do with my hands.

So, now I have something to do. And I'm getting paid to do it. Which is nice. If you're married to a builder. And I am.

I haven't had my feet in the sand this summer. And sometimes I have a bad attitude and forget to look on the bright side. Sue me.

To be loved like that.

I wish everybody could be loved like that. Longing for heaven while enjoying earth.

Frodo knows.

"How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on, when in your heart you begin to understand...there is no going back. There are some things that time can not mend. Some hurts that go too deep...that have taken hold."

There is an action item at the end...

"Freaks are emboldened when wicked men are in power."
~Caroline Bedingfield

Our local crisis pregnancy center is scheduled for pro-abortion picketing on Monday. How nice.

Pretty soon, men like my dear friend Dr. Bardwell, will be required by law to murder innocent children.


This from Gary Bauer today...

Obama’s Pro-Abortion Extremism

While President Obama likes to talk about “reducing the need for abortion,” his administration is taking steps to implement one of the most extreme proposals imaginable – repealing conscience protections for medical professionals. Make no mistake about the outcome of this action: religious hospitals, doctors and nurses will be forced to perform abortions or other procedures that violate their values.

This issue clearly exposes the pro-abortion extremism of Barack Obama and the Left. A woman’s “right of conscience” is protected to the extent that she can decide whether or not her unborn baby lives or dies. Now the pro-abortion Left wants to take away the right of conscience from doctors and nurses who want no part in the destruction of innocent human life. That is not “pro-choice” – it is pro-abortion.

TAKE ACTION: As required by law, the administration is accepting public comments before it takes further action on this outrageous proposal. The comment period ends on April 9th. Please respectfully share your thoughts with the Department of Health and Human Services by visiting www.regulations.gov or by sending an E-mail to proposedrescission@hhs.gov.

IV poles are like scooters

http://www.caringbridge.com/visit/westoncrusselle

Weston has a CaringBridge page now. Go over there and tell them I sentcha. Weston took me on a tour of Childrens Healthcare of Atlanta last night. He rode his IV pole/scooter to the koi pond and showed me how he wants to modify the design for Grandmommy's backyard. We day dreamed about throwing a casting net in there. We talked about how nice it would be to have a chipping wedge right about now.

I love hanging out with Matt and Jennifer and Weston. If things stayed like they were yesterday, it would be a party up in that room every day. They are the most positive, fun loving, joking around, talkative, playful people I know. Seriously. I was super encouraged by their indominable spirits.

In a serious moment, Weston did say, "I don't want to die." And, "How do you know you would go to heaven?" I looked up 1 John and promised to go over it another time. He had about a dozen visitors at the time. A friend even spend the night with him last night!

He will get his port and his first chemo today.

Weston

This is Weston Crusselle. He is my nephew. My baby brother Matt's son. You know, the brother who who was born when I was 8 years old and who was my sidekick for 15 years until I left home and married Mike. I called Mike "Matt" for a solid year. Still do, sometimes.

Matt married Jennifer and they had this miracle baby. She wasn't supposed to be able to have kids. I was there when he was born. He's like 5 kids rolled into one. Tons of personality. A 6 time state champion wrestler at 14. An all-star athlete. A freshman at our alma mater, McEachern High School, where he wrestles and plays baseball. JohnJohn's fishing buddy.

Yesterday, he was diagnosed with ALL. Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia.

An appendicitis sent him to the ER to find out his blood work was unusual. Scottish Rite hurried over to WellStar Cobb to pick him up. They removed his appendix yesterday and will begin 3 years of chemo on Monday. There is a great survival rate and he plans to win.


Here is my Mama with most of her grandkids this past Christmas. It was our first Christmas without my Daddy who we lost in September. And it was one weird holiday.

Me and my brothers Matt, Ben, Mama, me and Buddy in reverse birth order. Weston belongs to Matt.








Playing games at Riverstone Summer Camp. He actually won the frozen burrito boxcar race.













I LOVE this kid.
My heart is broken.
Katie is getting married in 21 days.

Slumdog

I tried to see Slumdog Millionaire last night with Mikey B. I lasted about 20 minutes and just had to get up and go. Too much for me. Maybe I'm like an ostrich. No, I've been to India and have seen some of that stuff with my own eyes. Seen some of that meanness, felt that hatred. Maybe I just didn't want to relive it on a screen that's like 50 feet wide. I'm glad people are going to see the movie and I'm glad that I supported the movie with my money. Little Jamal was so beautiful. I can't reconcile my heart today. The world is unreconciled, so out of balance. It just doesn't add up.

Sore Throat

My throat feels like it is caked with scabs of acid that are on fire. I wake up in the night and wonder what I'm forgetting about the wedding. Last night I dreamed that I was in India and the Fritchmans came to visit me in this warehouse and there was a flood and all the merchants took their stuff to this plateau and I climbed up there and there was nowhere to walk and I climbed over some merchandise and the merchant picked me up and set me down in a moving convertible right on top of some people and I was wearing a dress. I got to hold baby Webb in church on Sunday and he is very wonderful for reminding you why you do what you do. If you are me. I love the eTrade commercial where the baby calls the old golfer "Shankopotamus". That is one wise-cracking baby. JohnJohn has a big math test today. I love to peek in his room at night and see him working complex problems at his desk while listening to his headphones. Jack Bauer doesn't play by the rules. That is why you are still alive.

Queen me.

We started the Beth Moore study about Esther last night. The sub-title is "It's Tough Being a Woman." So true, so true.

Did you see the movie "300"? It is super violent and has some really nasty parts, but I LOVE THAT MOVIE. The movie takes place in time just before the book of Esther begins. It's the story of Leonidas and the few Spartans who took on the many, the beginning of the end for the Persian Empire intent on moving into Europe. If you haven't seen it, I highly recommend it. If you're up to it. It is stylized and, in my opinion, beautifully made. But beware, the man in my life thinks it is kinda sick that I like it so much.

I was just thinking about the history of Israel and about how it was only 70 years ago that 6 million Jews were slaughtered. That's not very long. And then I thought of the story of Joseph. I've always thought of him as a type of Christ. But, he is certainly a type of Israel as well. God chose Joseph (Israel) from among his brothers (other sons of Abraham..ah hem...) causing jealously enough to sell him into slavery (a million examples) to suffer (holocaust, etc.) and eventually prosper to the point of reigning with power providing sustenance even to his starving oppressors (the near future?).

Anywho, it is very difficult for me to imagine our precious Queen Esther with the Xerxes in the movie. I'm not sure how I will reconcile that one.

Some things I am thinking.